Rushing is ruining your life (and your relationships, and the planet)
why slowing down is a necessary part of a life well-lived
I hate rushing.
It makes me feel frenzied and clumsy. It makes my body feel tense and my mind in disarray.
Rushing always feels like an emergency I am trying to escape.
That said, I don’t know anyone who would say that they like rushing. I imagine that most of us desire slowness — we crave the spaciousness that allows us to ease with grace through our days.
So … why do we do it?
Melissa Kirsch writes, “We rush because we’re late. We also rush because we want to move quickly away from discomfort. We rush to come up with solutions to problems that would benefit from more sustained consideration. We rush into obligations or decisions or relationships because we want things settled.”
She goes on to describe rushing as “an obsession with being done with things.” And I think this obsession is lowkey ruining our lives. Here’s how:
Rushing prevents presence. Being present means being undistracted — it means being fully engaged and aware of what’s happening here and now. Rushing is being distracted by wherever you’re trying to go. This obsession with getting there pulls you out of the present moment. In the frenzied pursuit of completion, you lose awareness. Your powers of perception are diminished and you’re unable to fully tune in to the moment. You miss the little details. (And the little details are what makes otherwise unremarkable moments remarkable). Presence is an essential part of Spiritual health. If you aren’t fully here for life, you can’t fully enjoy it.
Rushing makes your body think that you are in actual danger. When we rush, we activate an anxiety-response that floods our bodies with cortisol and other stress hormones. Katie Rapkoch explains, “These hormones are released in response to stress and help your body fight or flee a perceived threat. In the case of rushing, however, there isn’t actually any threat. Your body just thinks there is because of your behavior.” Rushing, over time, leads to a buildup of stress in the body. The more stress we carry — and the longer we carry it — the more harm we do to our bodies and minds.
Being in a hurry all the time is why we need things to be “convenient.” Modern-day convenience culture dominates every area of our lives. It’s embedded in the technology we use — it’s in the way we consume. But this need for convenience is contributing to the destruction of our (one and only) planet. Same-day and instant deliveries force retailers to send out half-filled trucks and vans, increasing emissions and congestion. Food delivery apps send meals in styrofoam and single-use plastic. Fast fashion relies on the exploitation of natural resources and human labor to produce “on-trend” clothes that land at your doorstep in 2-5 business days. Millions of garments produced every year are never worn before heading to a landfill or incinerator. The “need” for convenience leads to over-production, over-consumption, and over-extraction of the Earth’s resources. We may be saving time by taking the most convenient route, but the Earth pays the price.
For us as individuals, it is neither a state of oblivion nor the inability to take actions that keep us from rerouting ourselves toward sustainability. It is, almost always, an unwillingness to do so that mostly arises from the fact that becoming more sustainable entails making less convenient choices. - Arya Gautam
Rushing is the enemy of rest. When we’re in a hurry to get the next thing done, we don’t give ourselves time to slow down, take breaks, or stop moving all together. We’re so pressed to get on to the next thing that we de-prioritize our body’s needs. We’re on the next Zoom call within seconds of the previous one ending. We finish work and immediately move on to other tasks and responsibilities. Rushing leaves no room for decompressing — no space to reset and recharge. When you rush, you never get to come down from being “on.” The constant pressure to be productive, to get it done, to move on to the next thing makes us treat our bodies like machines. We neglect our needs for the sake of productivity.
Tricia Hersey reminds us, “It’s not normal to be sleep-deprived and exhausted, and to have tiredness as a lifestyle. That’s not why we were born. That’s not why the miracle of birth happened. It’s not what our ancestors would’ve wanted.”
“Resting for the Ancestors.” Photograph by Charlotte Watts and Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry Rushing increases the likelihood that we will have unskillful, habitual responses to stressful experiences. When I am running late, I have no tolerance for slowness. I have no patience for the driver taking too long to merge lanes in front of me. I have no patience for the 6-year-old who insists that now is the time to practice tying and re-tying her shoes before we get out the door. Rushing diminishes how much compassion I can muster in the face of trying circumstances. When I rush, my habits kick in. I go on autopilot and default to doing things without thought. Running on autopilot means having automatic (ahem, unconscious) reactions to external stimuli before we fully process the information. In the daze of my default setting, I honk and curse at the driver. I snatch the shoes from the 6-year-old’s hands. Even if unintentional, these unthoughtful reactions create harm. The slower I go, the more peaceful I am.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. And in that space lies our power to choose our response. In our power to choose, lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Victor Frankl
Rushing hurts our relationships. Healthy, meaningful relationships benefit from patience, time, and thoughtful attention. When you rush through interactions with others, you miss opportunities for meaningful conversations and understanding. Building trust, genuine bonds and emotional intimacy takes time. Rushing into relationships leads to misalignment and misunderstandings. Rushing through our interactions with others means you’re less likely to genuinely connect with someone else — and less able to enjoy someone else’s company. Strong relationships need to be nourished and nurtured by thoughtful attention. The more time you take with someone, the stronger the bond.
We, as a people, have become accustomed to moving too fast. As I get clear on the kind of life I want to live, I know that rushing has no place in it.
Moving at an easeful pace is part of my self-care practice.
Rushing simply… feels terrible. It activates my panic button. I refuse to accept that at my default setting. My highest vision is to wake up slowly — to roll from the bed to the floor. I want three hours to unfurl myself from the night. I want no comittments before 11AM. I want at least 20 minutes to eat every meal, and 30 minutes to digest. I want to have enough space and time to pay attention to the world around me — to show up fully for the people in my life, and to care for myself without cutting corners.
Most of all, I want all of us to reframe the way we live and interact — to see life as a precious, fleeting moment that should not be taken for granted.
I invite you to see how you might slow down. When you notice yourself frantic and frenzied, ask yourself — do I really need to rush right now? What would happen if I just…stopped rushing? What would happen if I gave myself permission to take my time? What’s really at stake here?
I hope you’re surrounded by people who give you grace. I hope your friends and your lovers and your co-workers give you space to be human. Take a moment to imagine how different your life would feel if you never rushed.
What would your morning routine look like?
How would you show up at work?
What would become more possible in your relationships?
What would you attend to?
Trust that every time you slow down, you contribute to a culture in which our value isn’t measured by productivity. You shift the paradigm towards wellbeing as a baseline, instead of self-sacrifice for the sake of maintaining other people’s illusion of you.
My prayer for you is that you move through your days in a way that doesn’t ever feel forced or frantic. If slowness is what you crave, may you fill your cup with it as often as you can.
And so it is.
Read More | The resources I used to write this post:
You articulated my exact thoughts! I always say when I hurry I run the risk of hurting myself in some shape or form and so I take my time. Also amen to no commitments, especially meetings, before 11am. I believe in that too.
I have recently realized that rushing is my default and it is so tacky!! I hate it. The worst part for me is realizing that I don't have patience/compassion for those around me. I also dream of a life with no schedules, where I never have to rush! 💗